a hot summer ends with winds of change

"How is your summer going?" I've been getting this question a lot lately and the best thing I can think of to say is "fast." It seems like for all the days I counted down towards the end of the season a year ago, I am making up for it now by wondering how I will get everything done before this one turns into fall. Ten days from now, I'll be finishing my last day with B.A.S.E Camp. Eleven days from now, I'll be moving my stuff into my new apartment in Boulder. In twelve days, I'll be leaving with my friend to Kentucky. A few days after that, I'll be catching a flight to Boise for a wedding. In twenty one days, I'll be arriving back in Fort Collins, where my car will be waiting for me to drive down to Boulder and unpack my boxes. In one month minus two days, I'll be walking into Silver Creek High School, dressed professionally, and begin student teaching.

But before any of this, though, so much of summer has happened. Between learning all kinds of lessons about relating to kids and classroom management, I've been preparing my psyche for student teaching and I've been thinking about the personal goals involved in the complete change in lifestyle that lies ahead for me. I've been thinking about student teaching in light of the habits that I want to develop in terms of personal balance when I enter a life of full time teaching.

Throughout my coursework, in both my studio practice and teacher education, the issue of balancing your life as an artist and a teacher has been constantly on the table. And throughout said coursework, I was thinking to myself, "I don't really care about maintaining a personal artistic practice-- I want to teach more than I want to take the risk of putting myself out there as an artist." I think, truly, I'd been telling myself that I'll never be a "real" artist anyway, but a "real" teacher, now that I could forsee.

But something funny has happened to me-- in the last six months or so, my whole view of myself as an artist has totally changed. I feel as though I've been swept up by a current that I cannot control and yet it is carrying me to wonderful places. A lot of people say that even in the summer, they don't get the artowork done that they want to do. And yet, somehow, in then midst of my crazy schedule and all I've set out to do this summer, I've completed almost six paintings. I've almost done as much this summer as I did during the Spring Semester for my four credit class. There has been a shift in me that can't help but paint. Without any pursuit on my own, I've ended up showing my work for the entirety of June and July and have been so encouraged by those who see it. I've sold two paintings and have a few more interested offers.

As for my work with kids this summer, I feel like I've learned a lot, but many days I hope that teaching doesn't require this constant dilligence to provide consequences. Some days, I feel like the full extent of my day is expended on warnings and consequences that there is no room left for fun or relationships. It is hard.